… Ago today I married the love of my life.

I’m going to keep his name private, not that you couldn’t probably figure it out, but Happy Anniversary to the man I married!

When a person gets sick it isn’t just their life that is affected.  Their spouse, partner, children and extended family are also affected.  It is especially difficult for a spouse, in all actuality it is almost like both of you get sick.  One is going to be facing the illness but the other has their own set of issues to tackle.  Of course, there is the threat that you will lose the one you decided to spend the rest of your life with but there are the financial burdens and disruptions to home life where one spouse is now taking on more responsibilities.  It can lead to a power shift, resentment, fear, insecurity and sometimes it can just be too much for a marriage to survive.

I am fortunate.  My husband stood by me.  I’m not going to say we haven’t had some struggles since I got sick because we have, but I know now without a shadow of a doubt that my husband loves me.  That he fears losing me.  That I am a wanted element in his life.  I was afraid when I got sick, but to see that fear reflected on his face was so much worse.  I didn’t want to leave him, yet I know that I’m selfish enough that I would rather be the one to leave.  I don’t think I’m strong enough to lose the center of my universe twice in one lifetime.  Fortunately, I didn’t leave.  I had a hysterectomy and my cancer was taken care of.  Of course, most likely one of us will get sick in the future, and barring an accident, one of us will have to leave the other first.  I’m not sure where I heard the quote anymore but it truly struck a chord with me.  If you have love in your life you have loss in your future.  There is no avoiding it.

But I will not dwell on that today.

Today I will celebrate, quietly, the 22 years I have spent with the love of my life and let him know how much I appreciate him.  He truly is the center of my universe.  I love him completely.  I’m a lucky woman.

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