Good Morning. The day is finally here, time for my surgery.
Just so you know it is scheduled for tomorrow, January 24 at noon, but I am counting the day-before prep as part of the whole experience. Husband and I spent the weekend together, it was nice he didn’t have overtime this week, went thrifting and ate a last meal out on Saturday. Sunday we spent the day cleaning and disinfecting the house. Have to confess my nerves got the better of me and I was a bit snippy with him. I felt bad but I don’t think he took it too personally. I wanted everything done so that I wouldn’t have to do anything today if I didn’t feel like it.
Today I reread all the paperwork they sent home and have started my clear fluids diet for the day. Since my surgery is later in the day I can have 8 oz of fluid in the morning too. I think I will stick to just enough to take my pill. This evening I will take my first pre-op shower with the soap they sent home and put clean sheets on the bed. This morning I stripped it and sprayed the whole mattress down with Lysol.
Tomorrow morning I will be taking my second shower with the soap and we leave for the hospital early morning. Then I don’t know what happens…
I have decided to approach this whole deal with no expectations. I don’t know what will happen. I have never had surgery and while I can read what other people experienced I am a totally separate individual and my experience will be unique to me. I don’t know how I will react to anesthesia or what my pain tolerance level will be or even what the doctors might find during surgery. I need to keep an open mind and not dwell on what I might face and simply focus on what I am facing. Stay in the moment and not worry about what might or might not happen. Having surgery and recovering is a complete unknown and I have prepared as much as I can for that.
It is time for me to let go of control, a bit, and trust others to take care of me. That doesn’t mean not making sure I get the care I need, simply letting others do for me now.
I’m still scared. I’m still worried. I still want this surgery. I simply wish I didn’t need it. I wish I didn’t have cancer.
But I do. Burying my head in the sand won’t change that. I have to find my courage and face my fear to do what needs to be done to save my life. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to leave my husband. He is the center of my world and my best friend.
I can see the tension in his face and feel the weight on his shoulders. You see this isn’t just happening to me. It is happening to us. He is scared and worried too. He is also feeling helpless. So while I appreciate all the warm wishes and kind words please don’t forget him, he needs support too.
I’m not going to write anything tomorrow but husband might put an update on Facebook for those of you that know me in real life. If nothing goes wrong I will be coming home on Wednesday and will try to post an update by the end of the week.
Thank you for all the support. Amy