Good Morning.

I thought I should give you all an update since I am only eight days before surgery.  I have begun to worry about money.  The fact that I won’t be making any while I’m recovering and that even though I have insurance this surgery is going to cost us quite a bit.  Last week I received notification about my first bill that is coming from Iowa City.  $251 not too horrible considering the CT scan alone cost $6000.  Still, February is a big bill month for us; car insurance (which went up thanks to the new car), house insurance are both due and we will most likely need to order propane.  Then in March property tax is due and we will need to have income taxes done.  Still need to have the alignment done on the Honda and who knows what other bills will turn up thanks to my now necessary medical treatment.  I need to recover quickly so I can get back to work and earn my keep. Husband tries to tell me it is only money and that we will be fine and pay everything eventually.  Still, I worry.

Now I also have to worry about those fucking Republicans in Washington working to destroy the Affordable Care Act.  Not that I thought it was a good bill but it was better than nothing.  I am one of the individuals that felt it didn’t go far enough. I want a true single payer system or a government-run insurance program.  Other countries can guarantee health care to all citizens we should be able to too.  But no, the fuckers in Washington only seem to work for big corporations and are actively trying to make sure people with pre-existing conditions, that I now have, are going to lose their insurance or become trapped in their jobs forever simply for health insurance.  Then what if you get fired, or your factory moves out of the country.  We are so totally screwed and they don’t give a damn if we live or die.  I am going to be pro-active and call my representatives every single day to argue for either keeping ACA or replacing it with something better and by better I mean universal health care as a right to all citizens.  I suggest you all do that same because if enough of us call them then they can’t ignore us.  If they feel enough blow-back from voters then they will hopefully do what is right for us and not what those filling their pockets want instead.

Besides the worries I have also been trying to think about what I am going to need to recover after surgery.  I downloaded a computer game and have stocked up on supplies.  I have a bunch of frozen meals and cleared off some shelves in the bedroom.  We are going to do another major cleaning of the house next weekend and I will pick up any remaining supplies on Thursday when I am taking a friend to town to shop.  She has trouble getting around and doesn’t have a car and I will have several weeks of not being allowed to drive so I thought it might be nice if we both had a day out.

We were supposed to go to town for Thai food yesterday but with the impending ice storm that didn’t manifest until after midnight, we decided to stay home.  We should have gone out…  Instead I made a homemade pizza that was actually really good and we watched movies.  I am going to save the Thai food for my first outing during recovery instead.  Once I am feeling up to a longer car ride and not so easily tired.

I have also been working on my blanket that was meant to be a recovery knitting project.  I am about half-way finished.  Opps.  I guess I can always start another project if I finish this one. I really like the purple and teal color maybe a hat and scarf set out of the remaining yarn.

I’m still feeling good.  A little brain fog sometimes but otherwise I don’t feel sick.  That might be why I am stressing so much about the cost of surgery.  A part of me is in denial about actually having cancer and I feel like I am wasting our money.  That I’m fine and don’t need to create this huge financial burden for us.  Husband tells me I need the surgery but I don’t know.  It pains me to spend this much money on myself.  To create this debt.  I am going to have it but I sure as hell am going to feel guilty about it all.  That I am creating this mess for us.  That I am the reason my husband can’t leave his job and that we will now have bills that we may never escape or maybe even have to declare bankruptcy and destroy our credit score…  It will be all my fault and I will forever feel guilty about getting sick.

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