I did not want to go walking today.  It was cold.  I had to warm up the car and clean the frost off the windshield and I have my period.  I wanted to sit on the couch and browse the internet but managed to suck it up and got my ass to the high school and put in my hour.  Then I sat on the couch and watched movies while listing items on eBay.   I will walk again tomorrow but will probably take two days that I work off from exercise.  That will give my body a break and let me decompress after work.  I can still use the treadmill at home (not commercial strength so I can only do 30 minutes at a time) but might not.

I discovered one thing I will miss about having periods.  I will miss the crazy vivid dreams that I get around that time of the month. My dreaming is actually one of my indicators that my period will start soon, usually that afternoon, and I bet they won’t be the same after my hormones are gone.  I won’t miss the bleeding but I will miss those dreams.

Felt a bit of cancer guilt yesterday.  Husband didn’t want to go to work on Saturday but had to as he was scheduled for overtime and that we need the money.  Put him in a foul mood that I know he was trying to hide from me but I saw it anyway.  I felt so awful that he is now trapped in a job he doesn’t really care for because we can’t lose that insurance now. Totally sucks and is so unfair to him.  I can only imagine that this guilt is going to get worse as more is going to be expected of him around the house while I’m recovering.  So he will have a job he hates and has to do everything I can’t at home.  Not to mention shopping and helping take care of me.  Too much is going to be asked of him over the next few weeks.  I hate it.  It isn’t fair to him.  Not one bit.  There has to be some way I can make this easier on him or make it up to him.  I need to make sure he knows how much I appreciate everything he does for me, for us.

Thanks for listening.


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